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From "ant elder" <ant.el...@gmail.com>
Subject Re: [VOTE] Graduate Tuscany as a top level project
Date Mon, 15 Oct 2007 08:47:51 GMT
On 10/13/07, Robert Burrell Donkin <robertburrelldonkin@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> On 10/13/07, ant elder <ant.elder@gmail.com> wrote:
> > On 10/13/07, Robert Burrell Donkin <robertburrelldonkin@gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> <snip>
>
> > So bringing together all the comments so far gives something like:
> >
> > ...establish a Project Management Committee charged with the
> > creation and maintenance of open-source software that simplifies
> > the development, deployment and management of distributed
> > applications composed of independently acting, loosely coupled,
> > linguistically hetrogenous components connected using any of a
> > wide range of communication technologies. This software will implement
> > relevant open standards including, but not limited to, standards defined
> > by the OASIS OpenCSA group, for distribution at no charge to the public.
>
> the concatination makes last sentence is a little ambiguous. might be
> better to either start another sentence
>
> > This software will implement
> > relevant open standards including, but not limited to, standards defined
> > by the OASIS OpenCSA group. This software will be distribution at no
> charge to the public.
>
> or move the phrase next to open source:
>
> > ...establish a Project Management Committee charged with the
> > creation and maintenance of open-source software for distribution at no
> charge to the public
>
> maybe someone on the board could jump with guideance
>
> - robert


Having both the last two sentences start "This software will..." doesn't
sound perfect to me so if we are able to move the "for distribution at no
charge..." bit up to the top that seems better, which gives:

...establish a Project Management Committee charged with the
creation and maintenance of open-source software for distribution
at no charge to the public, that simplifies the development,
deployment and management of distributed applications composed of
independently acting, loosely coupled, linguistically heterogeneous
components connected using any of a wide range of communication
technologies. This software will implement relevant open standards
including, but not limited to, standards defined by the OASIS
OpenCSA group.

That first sentence is starting to get quite long but unless anyone can come
up with some better wording I could live with that.

   ...ant

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