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From rdon...@apache.org
Subject svn commit: r438192 - in /incubator/public/trunk: site-author/guides/proposal.xml site-publish/guides/proposal.html
Date Tue, 29 Aug 2006 20:24:03 GMT
Author: rdonkin
Date: Tue Aug 29 13:24:02 2006
New Revision: 438192

URL: http://svn.apache.org/viewvc?rev=438192&view=rev
Log:
Improved phrasing

Modified:
    incubator/public/trunk/site-author/guides/proposal.xml
    incubator/public/trunk/site-publish/guides/proposal.html

Modified: incubator/public/trunk/site-author/guides/proposal.xml
URL: http://svn.apache.org/viewvc/incubator/public/trunk/site-author/guides/proposal.xml?rev=438192&r1=438191&r2=438192&view=diff
==============================================================================
--- incubator/public/trunk/site-author/guides/proposal.xml (original)
+++ incubator/public/trunk/site-author/guides/proposal.xml Tue Aug 29 13:24:02 2006
@@ -44,27 +44,28 @@
 The proposal is the document upon which the 
 <a href='/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Sponsor'>Sponsor</a> votes. 
 So, though it's nether necessary nor sufficient to have a good proposal,
-a good proposal document increases the chances of a positive result.
+a good proposal increases the chances of a positive result.
            </p>
            <p>
-The proposal is (in some ways) a manifesto. It should shape the evolution of
-the project. Much of the information contained should be reused 
-in the <a href='website.html'>podling website</a>. So, a good proposal
-should prove useful in the future as well as in the present.
+The proposal is (in some ways) a manifesto. Much of the information contained 
+should be reused in the <a href='website.html'>podling website</a>. A good proposal
+should shape the future evolution of the project.
            </p>
         </section>
         <section id='note-on-improvements'><title>Continuous Improvement</title>
         	<p>
-The process at the incubator is continuously evolving. Hopefully this will help newer
-projects to be even stronger and more successful then existing ones. A consequence 
-of this approach is that president is not always a reliable guide.
+The <a href='/incubation/Process_Description.html'>Incubation process</a> is continuously evolving. 
+Hopefully this will help newer projects to be even stronger and more successful then existing ones. 
+One consequence of this approach is that president is not always a reliable guide.
+Another is that documentation may be a little outdated.
         	</p>
         </section>
         <section id="help-wanted">
           <title>Help Wanted!</title>
           <p>
 Help to improve the system by posting a patch for this document to the
-incubator section of JIRA or a comment to the general list at incubator.
+incubator section of <a href='http://issues.apache.org/JIRA'>JIRA</a> 
+or a comment to the <a href='lists.html#general+at+incubator.apache.org'>general list</a>.
           </p>
         </section>
     </section>
@@ -72,7 +73,7 @@
         <section id='preparation'><title>Preparation</title>
       <p>
 Start with research. The <a href='entry.html'>incubator entry guide</a> is a good place to start this
-process. Also read the <a href='http://www.apache.org'>Apache</a> 
+process. Read the <a href='http://www.apache.org'>Apache</a> 
 <a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation'>documentation</a>.
        </p>
        <p>
@@ -83,19 +84,19 @@
 The mailing lists are the canonical form of 
 <a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#communication'>communication</a> 
 and <a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#decision-making'>decision making</a> 
-at Apache. The documentation is an attempt to codify the consensus formed and record the decisions taken on list.
+at Apache. Documentation is an attempt to codify the consensus formed and record the decisions taken on list.
        </p>
        <p>
 Before starting on the formal proposal, recruit a 
-<a href='/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Champion'>Champion</a>. The Champion knows 
-how Apache works and should be able to help to navigate the process.
+<a href='/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Champion'>Champion</a>. The Champion understands 
+Apache works and should be able to help navigate the process.
        </p>
        <p>
 Review <a href='http://wiki.apache.org/incubator/'>recent proposals</a> and how they have been received.
        </p>
        <p>
 The incoming community needs to work together before presenting this
-proposal to the incubator. Think about goals and about the reasons for coming to Apache.
+proposal to the incubator. Think about and discuss future goals and the reasons for coming to Apache.
        </p>
     </section>   
        <section id='presentation'><title>Presentation</title>
@@ -105,21 +106,22 @@
 in plain text in a email whose subject is prefixed with <code>[PROPOSAL]</code>.
         </p>
             <p>
-If there is interest in the proposal, expect a lively debate to begin
-about the proposal. Approval is an open and democratic 
-<a href='entry.html#understanding'>process</a>
-so this discussion is an important part of opinion forming. Every proposal
+If there is interest in the proposal, expect a lively debate to begin. 
+Approval is an open and 
+<a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation/voting.html'>democratic</a> 
+<a href='entry.html#understanding'>process</a>.
+So this discussion is an important part of opinion formation. A proposal
 will require development if it is to gain the maximum level of support from the
-electorate.
+<a href='/incubation/whoweare.html'>electorate</a>.
         </p>
     </section>
         <section id='developing'><title>Developing The Proposal</title>
             <p>
 Expect to work on improving the template on list after presenting it. The
-<a href='http://wiki.apache.org/incubator/'>wiki</a> is an good way to 
-develop a proposal. Consider creating a wiki page containing the proposal 
+<a href='http://wiki.apache.org/incubator/'>wiki</a> is an good 
+development tool. Consider creating a wiki page containing the proposal 
 content and supplying a link. Those who are interested should add themselves 
-to the watch list for the page.
+to the watch list for the page so they can receive change notifications.
        </p>
             <p>
 Developing the proposal on the wiki allows easy collaboration. This has disadvantages
@@ -180,8 +182,8 @@
 </p><p>
 The abstract should be suitable for reuse in
 the board resolution used to create the official project upon graduation,
-as the first paragraph on the project web site and as the DOAP
-description.
+as the first paragraph on the podling <a href='website.html'>web site</a> 
+and as the DOAP description.
 </p>
 <pre>
 Examples:
@@ -215,18 +217,14 @@
         <section id='template-background'><title>Background</title>
         <blockquote>
 <p>
-The contents of this section provide context for those unfamiliar
-with the project space and history. 
+Provides context for those unfamiliar with the problem space and history. 
 </p><p>
-If there any likelihood of confusion over the meaning of some terms (for example, 
-if there is not a single widely adopted definition), explain what is meant by them.
-If the problem domain is likely to be unfamiliar to many then please give an outline.
+Explain the meaning of any terms whose meaning may be confused (for example, 
+if there is not a single widely adopted definition).
 <p>
 </p>
 This content should be capable of being safely ignored by domain experts.
-<p>
-</p>
-This material should probably find an eventual home on the project website.
+It should probably find an eventual home on the podlng website.
 </p>
 <pre>
 Example (Heraldry):
@@ -285,20 +283,18 @@
         <section id='template-current-status'><title>Current Status</title>
         	<blockquote>
 <p>
-This section (and the contained topics) addresses
-the current status and current development practices of any constituent codebases.
+This section (and the contained topics) describes
+the candidate's current status and development practices.
 This should be an honest accessment balancing these against Apache's 
 <a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation/'>principles</a> and 
 <a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#management'>development ideals</a>. 
 </p><p>
 For some proposals, this is a chance to demonstrate understanding 
-of the issues they'll need to address before graduation.
-For others, this is a chance to highlight that they are similar.
+of the issues that will need to addressed before graduation.
+For others, this is a chance to highlight the close match with Apache.
 Proposals without an inital codebase should just simply state that.
 </p><p>
 Some proposals name this section <em>criteria</em> though the term is a little misleading.
-</p><p>
-A few possible topics:
 </p>
         	</blockquote>
         <section id='template-meritocracy'><title>Meritocracy</title>
@@ -306,14 +302,15 @@
 	     <p>
 Apache is a 
 <a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#meritocracy'>meritocracy</a>. 
+		</p><p>
 Once a developer has submitted enough good patches then it should be 
 natural that they are elected to committer. It should be natural that active committers are elected 
 to the project management committee (PMC). 
 		</p>
 		<p>
-This process of renewing and sharing of responsibility is vital to the long term
-health of Apache projects and it's important that the Incubator PMC is convinced
-that these lessons are well understood by the proposers.
+This process of renewal is vital to the long term health of Apache projects.  
+This is the right place to demonstrate that this is understood 
+by the proposers.
         </p>
         <pre>
 Example (OFBiz):
@@ -338,8 +335,10 @@
         <section id='template-community'><title>Community</title>
 	        <blockquote>
         <p>
-Apache is interested only in communities. Projects should start with a 
-community and have the potential renew and grow this community by
+Apache is interested only in communities. 
+		</p><p>
+Candidates should start with a 
+community and have the potential to grow and renew this community by
 attracting new users and developers. Explain how the proposal fits this vision.
         </p>
 <pre>
@@ -368,7 +367,7 @@
 Apache is composed of <a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#hats'>individuals</a>. 
 		</p>
 		<p>
-It is often useful to provide some kind of introduction to the developers on the 
+It is useful to provide a brief introduction to the developers on the 
 <a href='#template-initial-committers'>initial committers</a> list.
 This is best done here (and not in that section). This may be used to discuss 
 the diversity of the core development team.
@@ -413,17 +412,17 @@
         <blockquote>
 <p>
 An exercise in self-knowledge.
-Risks don't mean that a project is unacceptable. If they are recognized and noted 
-then they can usuallly be addressed during incubation. 
+Risks don't mean that a project is unacceptable. 
+If they are recognized and noted then they can be addressed during incubation. 
 </p>
         </blockquote>
         <section id='template-orphaned-products'><title>Orphaned products</title>
         <blockquote>
             <p>
-This is the right place for those donating the code to publicly state their commitment 
-to future development. It takes quite a while to recruit a diverse development 
-community. So Apache needs to be confident that those already working on the 
-product are still committed.
+A public commitment to future development. 
+			</p><p>
+Recruiting a diverse development community and strong user base takes time. 
+Apache needs to be confident that those already working on the product are still committed.
             </p>
 <pre>
 Example (Yoko):
@@ -436,20 +435,21 @@
         <section id='template-inexperience-with-open-source'><title>Inexperience with Open Source</title>
         <blockquote>
         <p>
-If the proposal is is based on an existing open source project with a history of open development, then highlight this here.
+If the proposal is is based on an existing open source project with a history of open development, 
+then highlight this here.
+        </p>
+        <p>
+If the list of <a href='#template-initial-committers'>initial committers</a> contains developers
+with strong open source backgrounds then highlight this here.
         </p>
         <p>
 Inexperience with open source is one reason why closed projects choose to apply for incubation.
 Apache has developed over the years a store of experience in this area.
-Successfully opening up a closed project means an investment of energy by Apache. 
-Success requires a willingness to learn and to give back to the community from the
-originators of the codebase.
+Successfully opening up a closed project means an investment of energy by all involved. 
+It requires a willingness to learn and to give back to the community. If the proposal is based
+around a closed project and comes with very little understand of the open source space,
+then acknowledge this and demonstrate these qualities.
 		</p>
-        <p>
-If the list of initial committers contains people with a strong open source background 
-then highlight this here. At the least, it should demonstrate that the proposers
-have done the research required to understand the open source space.
-        </p>
  <pre>
 Example (Cayenne):
   Cayenne was started as an open source project in 2001 and has 
@@ -465,13 +465,13 @@
         <section id='template-homogenuous-developers'><title>Homogenous Developers</title>
             <blockquote>
                 <p>
-Healthy projects need a mix of developers. Open development means a commitment 
-to encouraging a diverse mix of developers. There is also an art to working as part of 
-a geographically scattered group in a distributed environment.
+Healthy projects need a mix of developers. Open development requires a commitment 
+to encouraging a diverse mixture. There is also an art to working as part of 
+a geographically scattered group in a distributed environment. 
                 </p>
                 <p>
 Starting with a homogenous community does not prevent a project from entering incubation.
-But for those projects, a public commitment to creating a diverse mix of developers is helpful.
+But for those projects, a commitment to creating a diverse mix of developers is useful.
 Those projects who already have a mix should take this chance to highlight that they do.
                 </p>
 <pre>
@@ -486,13 +486,12 @@
         <section id='template-reliance-on-salaried-developers'><title>Reliance on Salaried Developers</title>            
             <blockquote>
                 <p> 
-There are concerns about the long term health of projects dominated by salaried developers
-who are interested in working on the code only whilst they are employed to do so. 
+A project dominated by salaried developers who are interested in the code 
+only whilst they are employed to do so risks its long term health. 
 				</p><p>
-Apache is <a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#hats'>about</a> people, not corporations. 
-We hope that developers continue to be involved with Apache no matter who their current employer
-happens to be. A healthy Apache project should be able to continue in the case of salaried 
-developers being withdrawn.
+Apache is <a href='http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#hats'>about</a> people, 
+not corporations. We hope that developers continue to be involved with Apache 
+no matter who their current employer happens to be.
                 </p>
                 <p>
 This is a right place to indicate the initial balance between salaried developers 
@@ -511,7 +510,7 @@
         <section id='template-other-producrs'><title>Relationships with Other Apache Products</title>  
             <blockquote>
                 <p>
-Apache encourages projects to be open to collaboration with other open source projects both 
+Apache projects to be open to collaboration with other open source projects both 
 within Apache and without. Candidates should be willing to reach outside their own little bubbles.
 				</p><p>
 This is a an opertunity to talk about existing links. It is also the right place to 
@@ -521,10 +520,11 @@
 mean friendly competition with coorporation whenever this makes sense. Competition between code
 but cordial coorporation between communities.
                 </p><p>
-It is not always obvious (to all) whether a candidate is a direct competitor with an existing
+It is not always obvious whether a candidate is a direct competitor to an existing
 project, an indirect competitor (same problem space, different ecological niche) or just 
 peers with some overlap. So, it's best to note this. In the case of indirect competition, it is 
-important that the abstract describes accurately the niche.
+important that the abstract describes accurately the niche. Competitors should expect 
+to be asked to summarize architectural differences and similarities to existing projects.
 				</p>
 <pre>
 Example (OpenJPA):
@@ -617,9 +617,9 @@
         <section id='template-ip'><title>Source and Intellectual Property Submission Plan</title>
             <blockquote>
 <p>
-More complex proposals (typically involving multiple code bases) may find it useful
+Complex proposals (typically involving multiple code bases) may find it useful
 to draw up an initial plan for the submission of the code here. 
-Demonstrates that the proposal is practical.
+Demonstrate that the proposal is practical.
 </p>
 <pre>
 Example (Heraldry):
@@ -641,11 +641,14 @@
         <section id='template-external-dependencies'><title>External Dependencies</title>
             <blockquote>
 <p>
-External dependencies for the initial source is important. Apache has 
-<a href='http://www.apache.org/legal/3party.html'>policy</a>
-about which dependencies allowed. These are (to some extent) initially relaxed
-for projects under incubation. Listing dependencies and licenses allows any
-possible problems to be highlighted and the appropriate actions planned.
+External dependencies for the initial source is important. Only some external dependencies
+are allowed by Apache <a href='http://www.apache.org/legal/3party.html'>policy</a>. 
+These restrictions are (to some extent) initially relaxed
+for projects under incubation. 
+</p>
+<p>
+If the initial source has dependencies which would prevent graduation 
+then this is the right place to indicate how these issues will be resolved.
 </p>
 <pre>
 Example (CeltiXfire):
@@ -666,8 +669,7 @@
         <section id='template-required-resources'><title>Required Resources</title>
             <blockquote>
 <p>
-Resources that the Apache infrastructure will be asked
-to supply for this project.
+Resources that infrastructure will be asked to supply for this project.
 </p>
             </blockquote>
         <section id='template-mailing-lists'><title>Mailing lists</title>
@@ -677,11 +679,12 @@
 (for confidential <a href='ppmc.html'>PPMC</a> discussions) 
 and  <em>project</em>-dev lists. 
                 </p><p>
-If this project is new to open source, it is often best to start with 
-these minimum lists. The initial focus needs to be on recruiting new developers. 
+If this project is new to open source, then starting with these minimum lists
+is the best approach. 
+The initial focus needs to be on recruiting new developers. 
 Early adopters are potential developers.
 As momentum is gained, the community may decide to create commit 
-and user lists.
+and user lists as they become necessary.
                 </p><p>
 Existing open source projects moving to Apache will probably want to adopt the
 same mailing list set up here as they have already. However, the transition for users may
@@ -731,13 +734,14 @@
         <section id='template-other-resources'><title>Other Resources</title>
             <blockquote>
                 <p>
-        Other resources such as continuous integration and so on should be
+Other standard resources such as continuous integration and so on should be
 added by the Podling later in the usual way (by vote on list) as momentum is gained. 
-The <a href='http://www.apache.org/dev'>infrastructure documentation</a> should explain the process.
+The <a href='http://www.apache.org/dev'>infrastructure documentation</a> explains 
+the process.
                 </p><p>
-If the proposal requires other special infrastructure, it is best to
-give an explanation. The Apache infrastructure team usually takes some
-convincing before allowing new services on core hardware.
+Describe here any other special infrastructure requirements that the project has initially.
+The infrastructure team usually requires a compelling argument
+before new services are allowed on core hardware.
                 </p>
                 </blockquote>
             </section>
@@ -745,22 +749,23 @@
         <section id='template-initial-committers'><title>Initial Committers</title>
             <blockquote>
                 <p>
-        List of committers used to bootstrap the community. Each which has
+        List of committers used to bootstrap the community. Mark each which has
 submitted a <a href='http://www.apache.org/licenses/#clas'>contributor license agreement</a> 
-(CLA) should be so marked. Please list name and an email address.
-Existing committers should use their <code>apache.org</code> since they
-require only appropriate karma for their existing account.
+(CLA). Please list name and an email address.
+Existing committers should use their <code>apache.org</code> (since they
+require only appropriate karma for their existing account).
             </p>
                 <p>
-        It is a good idea to submit CLAs at the same time as proposal and
-before acceptance. There is nothing lost by having a CLA on file at Apache
-but they do take some time to process.
+It is a good idea to submit CLAs at the same time as the proposal. 
+Nothing is lost by having a CLA on file at Apache
+but processing may take some time.
             </p>
                 <p>
 Note <a href='#developing'>this</a> and 
 <a href='participation.html#committer'>this</a>. Consider creating a separate 
 section where interested developers can express an interest (and possibly leave
-a brief introduction) or ask them to post to the general incubator mailing list.
+a brief introduction) or ask them to post to the 
+<a href='lists.html#general+at+incubator.apache.org'>general list</a>.
             </p>
 <pre>
 Example (OpenJPA):
@@ -804,12 +809,7 @@
 The <a href='/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Champion'>Champion</a> is
 a person already associated with Apache who leads the proposal process. It is common 
 - but not necessary - for the Champion to also be proposed as a 
-<a href='#template-mentors'>Mentor</a>. Note that since Mentors are appointed
-by the 
-<a href='/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Incubator+Project+Management+Committee+%28PMC%29'>
-Incubator PMC</a> 
-as part of the acceptance process, they can 
-have no formal role before the proposal is submitted.
+<a href='#template-mentors'>Mentor</a>.
 				</p>
 				<p>
 A Champion should be found before the proposal is formally submitted. 
@@ -826,11 +826,17 @@
                     <p>
 It is common for additional Mentors to <a href='partication.html#mentor'>volunteer</a> their services
 during the development of the proposal. The number of mentors a podling can have is limited only by the
-energy and interest of those eligible to Mentor.
-The absolute minimum is a single Mentor but the current consensus is that (at least) 
-three Mentors will make things go more smoothly. Three Mentors gives a quorum and allows 
-a podling more autonomy. 
+energy and interest of those eligible to Mentor. Three Mentors gives a quorum and allows 
+a podling more autonomy. The current consensus is that three or more Mentors will make the
+incubation process run more smoothly.
                 </p>
+                <p>
+Note that since Mentors are appointed by the 
+<a href='/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Incubator+Project+Management+Committee+%28PMC%29'>
+Incubator PMC</a> 
+as part of the acceptance process, they have no formal role before the proposal 
+is submitted. But informal enthusiasm from nominee Mentors is taken as a good sign.
+				</p>
                 </blockquote>
             </section>
             <section id='template-sponsoring-entity'><title>Sponsoring Entity</title>

Modified: incubator/public/trunk/site-publish/guides/proposal.html
URL: http://svn.apache.org/viewvc/incubator/public/trunk/site-publish/guides/proposal.html?rev=438192&r1=438191&r2=438192&view=diff
==============================================================================
--- incubator/public/trunk/site-publish/guides/proposal.html (original)
+++ incubator/public/trunk/site-publish/guides/proposal.html Tue Aug 29 13:24:02 2006
@@ -111,13 +111,12 @@
 The proposal is the document upon which the 
 <a href="/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Sponsor">Sponsor</a> votes. 
 So, though it's nether necessary nor sufficient to have a good proposal,
-a good proposal document increases the chances of a positive result.
+a good proposal increases the chances of a positive result.
            </p>
 <p>
-The proposal is (in some ways) a manifesto. It should shape the evolution of
-the project. Much of the information contained should be reused 
-in the <a href="website.html">podling website</a>. So, a good proposal
-should prove useful in the future as well as in the present.
+The proposal is (in some ways) a manifesto. Much of the information contained 
+should be reused in the <a href="website.html">podling website</a>. A good proposal
+should shape the future evolution of the project.
            </p>
 </div>
 <h3>
@@ -125,9 +124,10 @@
 </h3>
 <div class="section-content">
 <p>
-The process at the incubator is continuously evolving. Hopefully this will help newer
-projects to be even stronger and more successful then existing ones. A consequence 
-of this approach is that president is not always a reliable guide.
+The <a href="/incubation/Process_Description.html">Incubation process</a> is continuously evolving. 
+Hopefully this will help newer projects to be even stronger and more successful then existing ones. 
+One consequence of this approach is that president is not always a reliable guide.
+Another is that documentation may be a little outdated.
         	</p>
 </div>
 <h3>
@@ -136,7 +136,8 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <p>
 Help to improve the system by posting a patch for this document to the
-incubator section of JIRA or a comment to the general list at incubator.
+incubator section of <a href="http://issues.apache.org/JIRA">JIRA</a> 
+or a comment to the <a href="lists.html#general+at+incubator.apache.org">general list</a>.
           </p>
 </div>
 </div>
@@ -150,7 +151,7 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <p>
 Start with research. The <a href="entry.html">incubator entry guide</a> is a good place to start this
-process. Also read the <a href="http://www.apache.org">Apache</a> 
+process. Read the <a href="http://www.apache.org">Apache</a> 
 <a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation">documentation</a>.
        </p>
 <p>
@@ -161,19 +162,19 @@
 The mailing lists are the canonical form of 
 <a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#communication">communication</a> 
 and <a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#decision-making">decision making</a> 
-at Apache. The documentation is an attempt to codify the consensus formed and record the decisions taken on list.
+at Apache. Documentation is an attempt to codify the consensus formed and record the decisions taken on list.
        </p>
 <p>
 Before starting on the formal proposal, recruit a 
-<a href="/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Champion">Champion</a>. The Champion knows 
-how Apache works and should be able to help to navigate the process.
+<a href="/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Champion">Champion</a>. The Champion understands 
+Apache works and should be able to help navigate the process.
        </p>
 <p>
 Review <a href="http://wiki.apache.org/incubator/">recent proposals</a> and how they have been received.
        </p>
 <p>
 The incoming community needs to work together before presenting this
-proposal to the incubator. Think about goals and about the reasons for coming to Apache.
+proposal to the incubator. Think about and discuss future goals and the reasons for coming to Apache.
        </p>
 </div>
 <h3>
@@ -186,12 +187,13 @@
 in plain text in a email whose subject is prefixed with <code>[PROPOSAL]</code>.
         </p>
 <p>
-If there is interest in the proposal, expect a lively debate to begin
-about the proposal. Approval is an open and democratic 
-<a href="entry.html#understanding">process</a>
-so this discussion is an important part of opinion forming. Every proposal
+If there is interest in the proposal, expect a lively debate to begin. 
+Approval is an open and 
+<a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation/voting.html">democratic</a> 
+<a href="entry.html#understanding">process</a>.
+So this discussion is an important part of opinion formation. A proposal
 will require development if it is to gain the maximum level of support from the
-electorate.
+<a href="/incubation/whoweare.html">electorate</a>.
         </p>
 </div>
 <h3>
@@ -200,10 +202,10 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <p>
 Expect to work on improving the template on list after presenting it. The
-<a href="http://wiki.apache.org/incubator/">wiki</a> is an good way to 
-develop a proposal. Consider creating a wiki page containing the proposal 
+<a href="http://wiki.apache.org/incubator/">wiki</a> is an good 
+development tool. Consider creating a wiki page containing the proposal 
 content and supplying a link. Those who are interested should add themselves 
-to the watch list for the page.
+to the watch list for the page so they can receive change notifications.
        </p>
 <p>
 Developing the proposal on the wiki allows easy collaboration. This has disadvantages
@@ -274,8 +276,8 @@
 </p><p>
 The abstract should be suitable for reuse in
 the board resolution used to create the official project upon graduation,
-as the first paragraph on the project web site and as the DOAP
-description.
+as the first paragraph on the podling <a href="website.html">web site</a> 
+and as the DOAP description.
 </p>
 <pre>
 Examples:
@@ -315,18 +317,14 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
 <p>
-The contents of this section provide context for those unfamiliar
-with the project space and history. 
+Provides context for those unfamiliar with the problem space and history. 
 </p><p>
-If there any likelihood of confusion over the meaning of some terms (for example, 
-if there is not a single widely adopted definition), explain what is meant by them.
-If the problem domain is likely to be unfamiliar to many then please give an outline.
+Explain the meaning of any terms whose meaning may be confused (for example, 
+if there is not a single widely adopted definition).
 <p>
 </p>
 This content should be capable of being safely ignored by domain experts.
-<p>
-</p>
-This material should probably find an eventual home on the project website.
+It should probably find an eventual home on the podlng website.
 </p>
 <pre>
 Example (Heraldry):
@@ -394,20 +392,18 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
 <p>
-This section (and the contained topics) addresses
-the current status and current development practices of any constituent codebases.
+This section (and the contained topics) describes
+the candidate's current status and development practices.
 This should be an honest accessment balancing these against Apache's 
 <a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation/">principles</a> and 
 <a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#management">development ideals</a>. 
 </p><p>
 For some proposals, this is a chance to demonstrate understanding 
-of the issues they'll need to address before graduation.
-For others, this is a chance to highlight that they are similar.
+of the issues that will need to addressed before graduation.
+For others, this is a chance to highlight the close match with Apache.
 Proposals without an inital codebase should just simply state that.
 </p><p>
 Some proposals name this section <em>criteria</em> though the term is a little misleading.
-</p><p>
-A few possible topics:
 </p>
         	</blockquote>
 <h5> 
@@ -418,14 +414,15 @@
 	     <p>
 Apache is a 
 <a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#meritocracy">meritocracy</a>. 
+		</p><p>
 Once a developer has submitted enough good patches then it should be 
 natural that they are elected to committer. It should be natural that active committers are elected 
 to the project management committee (PMC). 
 		</p>
 		<p>
-This process of renewing and sharing of responsibility is vital to the long term
-health of Apache projects and it's important that the Incubator PMC is convinced
-that these lessons are well understood by the proposers.
+This process of renewal is vital to the long term health of Apache projects.  
+This is the right place to demonstrate that this is understood 
+by the proposers.
         </p>
         <pre>
 Example (OFBiz):
@@ -453,8 +450,10 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
         <p>
-Apache is interested only in communities. Projects should start with a 
-community and have the potential renew and grow this community by
+Apache is interested only in communities. 
+		</p><p>
+Candidates should start with a 
+community and have the potential to grow and renew this community by
 attracting new users and developers. Explain how the proposal fits this vision.
         </p>
 <pre>
@@ -486,7 +485,7 @@
 Apache is composed of <a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#hats">individuals</a>. 
 		</p>
 		<p>
-It is often useful to provide some kind of introduction to the developers on the 
+It is useful to provide a brief introduction to the developers on the 
 <a href="#template-initial-committers">initial committers</a> list.
 This is best done here (and not in that section). This may be used to discuss 
 the diversity of the core development team.
@@ -537,8 +536,8 @@
 <blockquote>
 <p>
 An exercise in self-knowledge.
-Risks don't mean that a project is unacceptable. If they are recognized and noted 
-then they can usuallly be addressed during incubation. 
+Risks don't mean that a project is unacceptable. 
+If they are recognized and noted then they can be addressed during incubation. 
 </p>
         </blockquote>
 <h5> 
@@ -547,10 +546,10 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
             <p>
-This is the right place for those donating the code to publicly state their commitment 
-to future development. It takes quite a while to recruit a diverse development 
-community. So Apache needs to be confident that those already working on the 
-product are still committed.
+A public commitment to future development. 
+			</p><p>
+Recruiting a diverse development community and strong user base takes time. 
+Apache needs to be confident that those already working on the product are still committed.
             </p>
 <pre>
 Example (Yoko):
@@ -566,20 +565,21 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
         <p>
-If the proposal is is based on an existing open source project with a history of open development, then highlight this here.
+If the proposal is is based on an existing open source project with a history of open development, 
+then highlight this here.
+        </p>
+        <p>
+If the list of <a href="#template-initial-committers">initial committers</a> contains developers
+with strong open source backgrounds then highlight this here.
         </p>
         <p>
 Inexperience with open source is one reason why closed projects choose to apply for incubation.
 Apache has developed over the years a store of experience in this area.
-Successfully opening up a closed project means an investment of energy by Apache. 
-Success requires a willingness to learn and to give back to the community from the
-originators of the codebase.
+Successfully opening up a closed project means an investment of energy by all involved. 
+It requires a willingness to learn and to give back to the community. If the proposal is based
+around a closed project and comes with very little understand of the open source space,
+then acknowledge this and demonstrate these qualities.
 		</p>
-        <p>
-If the list of initial committers contains people with a strong open source background 
-then highlight this here. At the least, it should demonstrate that the proposers
-have done the research required to understand the open source space.
-        </p>
  <pre>
 Example (Cayenne):
   Cayenne was started as an open source project in 2001 and has 
@@ -598,13 +598,13 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
                 <p>
-Healthy projects need a mix of developers. Open development means a commitment 
-to encouraging a diverse mix of developers. There is also an art to working as part of 
-a geographically scattered group in a distributed environment.
+Healthy projects need a mix of developers. Open development requires a commitment 
+to encouraging a diverse mixture. There is also an art to working as part of 
+a geographically scattered group in a distributed environment. 
                 </p>
                 <p>
 Starting with a homogenous community does not prevent a project from entering incubation.
-But for those projects, a public commitment to creating a diverse mix of developers is helpful.
+But for those projects, a commitment to creating a diverse mix of developers is useful.
 Those projects who already have a mix should take this chance to highlight that they do.
                 </p>
 <pre>
@@ -622,13 +622,12 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
                 <p> 
-There are concerns about the long term health of projects dominated by salaried developers
-who are interested in working on the code only whilst they are employed to do so. 
+A project dominated by salaried developers who are interested in the code 
+only whilst they are employed to do so risks its long term health. 
 				</p><p>
-Apache is <a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#hats">about</a> people, not corporations. 
-We hope that developers continue to be involved with Apache no matter who their current employer
-happens to be. A healthy Apache project should be able to continue in the case of salaried 
-developers being withdrawn.
+Apache is <a href="http://www.apache.org/foundation/how-it-works.html#hats">about</a> people, 
+not corporations. We hope that developers continue to be involved with Apache 
+no matter who their current employer happens to be.
                 </p>
                 <p>
 This is a right place to indicate the initial balance between salaried developers 
@@ -650,7 +649,7 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
                 <p>
-Apache encourages projects to be open to collaboration with other open source projects both 
+Apache projects to be open to collaboration with other open source projects both 
 within Apache and without. Candidates should be willing to reach outside their own little bubbles.
 				</p><p>
 This is a an opertunity to talk about existing links. It is also the right place to 
@@ -660,10 +659,11 @@
 mean friendly competition with coorporation whenever this makes sense. Competition between code
 but cordial coorporation between communities.
                 </p><p>
-It is not always obvious (to all) whether a candidate is a direct competitor with an existing
+It is not always obvious whether a candidate is a direct competitor to an existing
 project, an indirect competitor (same problem space, different ecological niche) or just 
 peers with some overlap. So, it's best to note this. In the case of indirect competition, it is 
-important that the abstract describes accurately the niche.
+important that the abstract describes accurately the niche. Competitors should expect 
+to be asked to summarize architectural differences and similarities to existing projects.
 				</p>
 <pre>
 Example (OpenJPA):
@@ -768,9 +768,9 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
 <p>
-More complex proposals (typically involving multiple code bases) may find it useful
+Complex proposals (typically involving multiple code bases) may find it useful
 to draw up an initial plan for the submission of the code here. 
-Demonstrates that the proposal is practical.
+Demonstrate that the proposal is practical.
 </p>
 <pre>
 Example (Heraldry):
@@ -795,11 +795,14 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
 <p>
-External dependencies for the initial source is important. Apache has 
-<a href="http://www.apache.org/legal/3party.html">policy</a>
-about which dependencies allowed. These are (to some extent) initially relaxed
-for projects under incubation. Listing dependencies and licenses allows any
-possible problems to be highlighted and the appropriate actions planned.
+External dependencies for the initial source is important. Only some external dependencies
+are allowed by Apache <a href="http://www.apache.org/legal/3party.html">policy</a>. 
+These restrictions are (to some extent) initially relaxed
+for projects under incubation. 
+</p>
+<p>
+If the initial source has dependencies which would prevent graduation 
+then this is the right place to indicate how these issues will be resolved.
 </p>
 <pre>
 Example (CeltiXfire):
@@ -826,8 +829,7 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
 <p>
-Resources that the Apache infrastructure will be asked
-to supply for this project.
+Resources that infrastructure will be asked to supply for this project.
 </p>
             </blockquote>
 <h5> 
@@ -840,11 +842,12 @@
 (for confidential <a href="ppmc.html">PPMC</a> discussions) 
 and  <em>project</em>-dev lists. 
                 </p><p>
-If this project is new to open source, it is often best to start with 
-these minimum lists. The initial focus needs to be on recruiting new developers. 
+If this project is new to open source, then starting with these minimum lists
+is the best approach. 
+The initial focus needs to be on recruiting new developers. 
 Early adopters are potential developers.
 As momentum is gained, the community may decide to create commit 
-and user lists.
+and user lists as they become necessary.
                 </p><p>
 Existing open source projects moving to Apache will probably want to adopt the
 same mailing list set up here as they have already. However, the transition for users may
@@ -903,13 +906,14 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
                 <p>
-        Other resources such as continuous integration and so on should be
+Other standard resources such as continuous integration and so on should be
 added by the Podling later in the usual way (by vote on list) as momentum is gained. 
-The <a href="http://www.apache.org/dev">infrastructure documentation</a> should explain the process.
+The <a href="http://www.apache.org/dev">infrastructure documentation</a> explains 
+the process.
                 </p><p>
-If the proposal requires other special infrastructure, it is best to
-give an explanation. The Apache infrastructure team usually takes some
-convincing before allowing new services on core hardware.
+Describe here any other special infrastructure requirements that the project has initially.
+The infrastructure team usually requires a compelling argument
+before new services are allowed on core hardware.
                 </p>
                 </blockquote>
 </div>
@@ -920,22 +924,23 @@
 <div class="section-content">
 <blockquote>
                 <p>
-        List of committers used to bootstrap the community. Each which has
+        List of committers used to bootstrap the community. Mark each which has
 submitted a <a href="http://www.apache.org/licenses/#clas">contributor license agreement</a> 
-(CLA) should be so marked. Please list name and an email address.
-Existing committers should use their <code>apache.org</code> since they
-require only appropriate karma for their existing account.
+(CLA). Please list name and an email address.
+Existing committers should use their <code>apache.org</code> (since they
+require only appropriate karma for their existing account).
             </p>
                 <p>
-        It is a good idea to submit CLAs at the same time as proposal and
-before acceptance. There is nothing lost by having a CLA on file at Apache
-but they do take some time to process.
+It is a good idea to submit CLAs at the same time as the proposal. 
+Nothing is lost by having a CLA on file at Apache
+but processing may take some time.
             </p>
                 <p>
 Note <a href="#developing">this</a> and 
 <a href="participation.html#committer">this</a>. Consider creating a separate 
 section where interested developers can express an interest (and possibly leave
-a brief introduction) or ask them to post to the general incubator mailing list.
+a brief introduction) or ask them to post to the 
+<a href="lists.html#general+at+incubator.apache.org">general list</a>.
             </p>
 <pre>
 Example (OpenJPA):
@@ -988,12 +993,7 @@
 The <a href="/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Champion">Champion</a> is
 a person already associated with Apache who leads the proposal process. It is common 
 - but not necessary - for the Champion to also be proposed as a 
-<a href="#template-mentors">Mentor</a>. Note that since Mentors are appointed
-by the 
-<a href="/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Incubator+Project+Management+Committee+%28PMC%29">
-Incubator PMC</a> 
-as part of the acceptance process, they can 
-have no formal role before the proposal is submitted.
+<a href="#template-mentors">Mentor</a>.
 				</p>
 				<p>
 A Champion should be found before the proposal is formally submitted. 
@@ -1013,11 +1013,17 @@
                     <p>
 It is common for additional Mentors to <a href="partication.html#mentor">volunteer</a> their services
 during the development of the proposal. The number of mentors a podling can have is limited only by the
-energy and interest of those eligible to Mentor.
-The absolute minimum is a single Mentor but the current consensus is that (at least) 
-three Mentors will make things go more smoothly. Three Mentors gives a quorum and allows 
-a podling more autonomy. 
+energy and interest of those eligible to Mentor. Three Mentors gives a quorum and allows 
+a podling more autonomy. The current consensus is that three or more Mentors will make the
+incubation process run more smoothly.
                 </p>
+                <p>
+Note that since Mentors are appointed by the 
+<a href="/incubation/Roles_and_Responsibilities.html#Incubator+Project+Management+Committee+%28PMC%29">
+Incubator PMC</a> 
+as part of the acceptance process, they have no formal role before the proposal 
+is submitted. But informal enthusiasm from nominee Mentors is taken as a good sign.
+				</p>
                 </blockquote>
 </div>
 <h5> 
@@ -1087,6 +1093,7 @@
           <li><a href="/projects/wsrp4j.html">WSRP4J</a></li> 
           <li><a href="/projects/xap.html">XAP</a></li> 
           <li><a href="/projects/yoko.html">Yoko</a></li> 
+          <li><a href="/projects/cxf.html">CeltiXfire</a></li> 
         </menu>
 
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