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From Berin Loritsch <blorit...@apache.org>
Subject Everyone, let's calm down.
Date Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:26:15 GMT
It is clear that we have a problem in Avaon.  However, the problem is
not a _who_.  It's a _what_.  Its an underlying problem that was here
all the time during Peter's suspension and before.  The recent
interaction between Peter and Stephen inflamed that problem, but you
cannot assign the blame directly on either one.

To be very clear: Peter is *not* the problem.  Stephen is *not* the
problem.  The problem is the fact that we have a truly international
development team, and some cultural and personal friction.
Geographically speaking Peter and I are literally at opposite ends
of the earth.  Yet we collaborate and work together as a team.

It is innevitable that conflicts will arise.  We can't control that.
What we *can* control is how we respond to those conflicts.  The way
we respond has a direct bearing on how inflamed the conflict becomes.

A proverb to live by is "A soft answer turns away wrath."  As both
Avalon committers and PMC members, we cannot afford the luxury of
responding any way we see fit.  If you are personally outraged by
a comment, then please ban yourself from responding for an hour.
By that time, someone else will most likely have said what you wanted
to, but put it in a less confrontational light.  If it hasn't been
said, then you will be better equipped to answer calmly and

Responding out of anger will only make things much worse than they
need to be.

Another problem we have is that it seems some of us expect personal
conflict to be resolved in internet time.  My friends, we could only
be so lucky.  If trust has been betrayed, or if wounds are still
fresh, then it takes a very long time to heal.  It also requires
repentance and forgiveness to complete the job.  Repentance is a
word that means complete change--not just saying "I'm sorry", but
purposing not to do the offence again.  Many people think it is
a religious term for appology--it is more than that.  Until BOTH
parties in a bad conflict are willing to do both of those actions
the wounds will never fully heal.

The best I can ask in a situation like that is to not be immediately
offended.  It could be that the person who affended you wasn't aware
as to how deeply their words would affect you.  If it was intentional,
then by not responding so passionately you rob them of the perverse
joy they had hoped to get from your pain.

Either way, wait before responding.  If your point has already been
made, then let it go--you don't have to respond any more.

Noone is 100% innocent--not even me.  If we take the attitude outlined
in this email, I'm certain we can diffuse this issue before it comes
to talking about removing someone's commit rights or ignoring vetos.

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